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Making our way through the silver screen and the printed page, one hangover at a time

words by Will Halbert

“The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got.”
Douglas Coughlin, Cocktail, 1988

A classic it may be, but 1988’s Cocktail sure has a lot to apologise for. Not only does the film offer a who’s who of god awful drinks (I’m looking at you, Sex on the Beach. And you shouldn’t be smirking either, Alabama Slammer), it is also uniquely responsible for the proliferation of flair bartending. For the uninitiated, flair bartending takes the idea of balancing a drink a little too literally, swapping out any real skill for a spot of juggling. I’m not bitter, I just don’t think it should take 10 minutes to open a bottle of beer. That, and I have the hand-to-eye coordination of a skateboarding pug.

But perhaps the biggest faux pas of the late 80s classic is the film’s signature drink, the Red Eye. No flair, no airs, no graces, the Red Eye is a bracing little concoction best saved for the morning after the night before. It’s a proteinous (and potentially perilous) hair-or-the-dog mix that goes a little something like this:

6 oz of Beer
4 oz of Tomato Juice
Tabasco to Taste
Two Aspirin
Pinch of Pepper
Pinch of Salt
One Whole Raw Egg

If it sounds a little disgusting, well, that’s because it is. But here’s a tip: strip the Red Eye of its egg and aspirin, throw in a little fresh lime juice and Worcestershire Sauce and you have yourself a Michelada. It’s a lovely, if not a little left-field, summer drink perfect for those who like their cocktails with a little less potential for acid reflux. To quote Coughlin’s Law itself: anything else is always something better.